


Chasing Shadows

by Arcanaacid



Series: Rexsoka Week 2018 [2]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Chasing Shadows - Freeform, Day 2, F/M, Rexsoka Week 2018, rexsoka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 16:10:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16245218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcanaacid/pseuds/Arcanaacid
Summary: Rexsoka Week 2018 Day 2: Ahsoka deals with hypervigilance, Rex deals with nightmares. The war may have ended, however it never really dies.





	Chasing Shadows

**Author's Note:**

> Day 2 - Chasing Shadows (Oct. 9): They’ve both been affected by the war—and sometimes, it’s too much. How do Rex and Ahsoka handle the physical and mental scars?

Ahsoka turned over for the seventh time that hour in a failed attempt to sleep, she hadn’t been getting much lately. Settling down into a ‘normal life’ had been significantly harder than she anticipated; after another fifteen minutes she checked her chrono again, glaring at the 0400 that popped up. 

With a sigh she stood, rubbing the initial chill out of her hands, deciding if she was going to be up she might as well try to be productive. Her mind felt as if it would never settle, dust whirling around in a storm telling her  _ run! They’re going to find you, you can’t be still! _

Three years. The war had ended three years prior and, yet, she still couldn’t get over the small sounds which caused her to drop into defensive stances. Her stomach gnawed angrily as she walked into the kitchen and began to get things out to make breakfast. Noticing a cup of caf was already on the counter, she stopped and looked out of the small kitchen window out to the yard and saw someone sitting on one of the wooden raised beds. 

Ahsoka grabbed the caf and stepped outside, bare feet sinking into soft earth, and made her way over to him. Rex looked unsurprised as she sat next to him, cup straining between clenched hands. 

“Nightmares?” It came out as a whisper, sounding like blasterfire in the dead silence of the night. Rex nodded, his eyes focused on watching the moon begin its way down behind the mountains. 

“I’m tired of them. I thought it would be over by now, but…” He stopped and took a sip of his caf, the bitterness on his face not soothed by the overly sweet liquid. Ahsoka bowed her head for a moment, thinking about their lives up to this point. 

“Is the war ever over for us, though?” Her eyes were pained, searching for an answer Rex couldn’t provide. Two people built for war, adults who were little more than children stunted and expected to function in a world they had never known. 

“I…” Rex tilted his head slightly, lips pressed tightly into a line, “I don’t know, ‘Soka. Kix and Coric are doing alright.” He didn’t talk about how the medics and special ops were the  _ only _ ones doing alright. The rest of the  _ vod _ were listless, floating through life without any goals or the ability to grasp their so-called freedom. 

“Yeah. I keep thinking there’s someone around the corner just waiting to put a blaster to my head or a saber to my throat.” She grimaced at her now cold caf and set it down next to her, putting Rex’s next to it.

“You’ve been pretty jumpy, that’s true. I thought it was these.” He prodded a montral with a small chuckle. She had been teased relentlessly about her sudden growth spurt that caused her to  _ technically _ be taller than most  _ vod.  _

“Yeah, yeah.” Ahsoka swatted at him and grinned, “Just wait until you settle into doing something like  _ tailoring _ and see how much you get teased.” The image of Rex sewing together extravagant dresses made them both laugh more than they had in what felt like years. Maybe it had been.

“I like the garden.” Rex smiled fondly at the raised bed behind them, happy plants waving in the cool evening breeze. He had built the entire thing by hand and tended to the plants every day until they had the best garden on Kiros. 

“It’s beautiful, Rex. I don’t know how to fill the time I have, meditating has been useless and I don’t really sleep anymore.” She frowned and kicked a small rock, wincing as it bounced off the ground and hit a plant. They sat in quiet for a few more minutes before Rex wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. 

“Did you hear about Echo?” She hadn’t been spending much time around what was left of the 501st lately, too wrapped up in figuring out how to function herself. At the shake of her head, he continued, “Found someone on Shili, he’s heading out next week to start some marriage ceremony.”

Ahsoka blinked up at Rex with raised eye markings, “Really? Wow... He’s in for an experience. Ceremonies on Shili start months in advance, beginning with proving you’re a worthy hunter to her father.” She snuggled into Rex’s side more, feeling the gnawing pit in her abdomen subside in his grip. It made sense, she supposed, Rex would always have her back and she trusted him with her life. 

“They miss you, you know. I’m supposed to bring you out to his goodbye party in a few days.” Rex looked down at her and was startled to see tears in her bright blue eyes, sunken in sepia skin due to lack of sleep and--he realized belatedly--probably lack of nutrition and water. She wasn’t taking care of herself. He had been too wrapped up in his own internal confusion to even notice...

“It’s alright ‘Soka, you don’t have to--” he was cut off by a choked laugh. Tears now streamed down her face as she tore herself away from him to stand. 

“No, Rex, it’s not! I’m so selfish I didn’t even think about them!” Her shrill voice was swept away by now-howling winds, “I have been sitting around here feeling miserable for myself, is that what I am now? Not a Jedi, so I am just some useless…” She stopped and shifted clenched fists, nails biting into her palms. Rex stood up slowly behind her, stepping forward to wrap his arms around her waist. 

“Shh, ‘Soka. You’re not selfish, you’re struggling just as much as any of us.” Rex knew he was out of his depth but had to try, “They just-- _ we _ just wanted to make sure you know that you’re always one of us.” She shivered in his arms, whether from his breath ghosting over her neck or the wind, she wasn’t sure. They stood like that as the sun rose, Rex holding her close as she sobbed against him. As the sun crested the mountain he noticed her crying had stopped and she was fast asleep. 

Rex placed a kiss between her montrals before picking her up and taking her inside, collapsing on the bed next to her and falling into sleep quickly. Was this what was left of them? Soldiers who had no idea how to function? Yes. Was it what they had to be defined by? No, they had family and friends who were all struggling to find their new normal. Here, on Kiros, maybe they could all follow Echo’s example and find their own lives. Rex’s was in a small cottage he and Ahsoka built together and, more importantly,  _ with _ her. They would get through it together, build their new lives together, just like they always had.

 


End file.
